Kaylee Hottle: Kids and Hollywood, What Could Go Wrong?

Kaylee Hottle, huh?

Sounds like a brand of artisanal pickle juice. Or a new energy drink for moms who run marathons.

Turns out, it's a person. A kid, even. An actress. In a fancy movie. Good for her.

My kids act too. Mostly like they're deaf when I call them for dinner. Mostly like they're entitled despots when they want another Screen Time credit.

This kid's, what, like 16? My daughter's that age. Her biggest accomplishment this week was learning how to expertly avoid doing dishes while simultaneously emptying the snack cupboard.

Hollywood. Always elevating someone new. Someone young.

No grey hairs. No liver spots. No crushing existential dread about mortgage payments.

Must be nice.

My agent called yesterday. Said they loved my last pitch. It was an email. Three words: 'Send more Jameson.' Not sure that counts as a 'pitch.'

Guess I'm not getting a call from Legendary Pictures anytime soon. Unless they need an extra for 'Man Stares Vacantly at Empty Fridge Door: The Prequel.'

Kaylee Hottle. Sounds like a name you'd invent when you're trying to remember who that one actress was who played the thingy in the movie with the monsters.

Good on her, though. Seriously. Probably smarter than half the adults in Hollywood anyway.

More power to her. While I sit here contemplating another beer. Or three. Maybe a short nap between rounds. My personal 'set break.' Before the real acting begins: pretending I'm not hungover for the morning school run.

Different kind of performance. Just as demanding. Less money. More shame.

And definitely no trending Google search. Unless 'Dad smells like stale beer and desperation' becomes a thing.

Don't let that happen. For God's sake, don't let that happen.