BioWare Is Trending Again and I Miss Being Twenty

6:15 AM.

I am on the toilet.

The tile is freezing, my skull feels like an old drywall bucket full of wet cement, and the kitchen downstairs already sounds like a hostage situation.

My phone says BioWare is trending.

Great.

Another corpse getting dragged out of the garage for a quick dance.

Fifteen years ago, I lost an entire four-day weekend to Mass Effect 2.

Four straight days.

A box of frozen taquitos, two cases of Miller Lite, and zero responsibilities.

I didn't shower. I saved the galaxy. I felt like a god.

Now?

Now BioWare trends every six months because they either laid off eighty veteran writers or released another seventy-dollar corporate trust fall disguised as an RPG.

I don't even care what the new game is.

Dragon Age: Whatever.

The internet is already in a full-blown fistfight about dialogue options, or jawlines, or whatever the hell virgins get furious about between shifts at Best Buy.

I don't have the bandwidth for dialogue trees anymore.

My actual life is a hostile dialogue tree.

Option A: Tell my wife I forgot the milk.

Option B: Lie and blame the four-year-old.

Option C: Drink four ounces of lukewarm Jameson behind the water heater.

Spoiler: I always pick C.

You can't go home again.

That's the brutal reality nobody on Reddit wants to admit about studios like BioWare.

They aren't "returning to form."

They're a hospice ward with an EA marketing budget.

Just like me trying to put on running shoes, or pretending I can drink heavy stouts on a Tuesday without puking acid at dawn.

The magic is dead.

Your glory days are over.

Now you just have bad knees, bad credit, and twenty minutes of free time before a toddler screams for waffles.

Wipe. Stand up. Flush.

Back to the grind.